Matt Kemp sucks. He is batting .125 right now because he is bad at baseball. When he swings a bat, you can tell that he feels a little awkward, due to the unfamiliarity of the action. I bet young Matthew always was more of a soccer player growing up but his parents pushed him toward a sport for which he possessed no natural proclivities and at which he never really had any chance to succeed.
The Dodgers should send Matt Kemp back to
Double A Single A, rookie ball. Apart from allowing him to work out his issues with the bat, the move will also help to improve his strength, which he clearly hasn’t fully developed yet. Low A is also a great way for a scrappy, but obviously talentless ballplayer like Matt Kemp to see the country and make a living wage for a summer. There will be lots of other players in rookie ball to teach him a thing or two about hitting, which will come in handy when he returns home to work as a “batting cage technician” at the Fun Center his uncle owns over in Tulsa.
Matt Kemp is probably the worst player in the major leagues right now. In the first inning he joined Marlon Byrd as the only person to have been struck out by Clayton Richard this year. Mark Ellis and Josh Beckett would later join this club as well, making it even more clear that Matt Kemp simply wasn’t meant to be a professional baseball player. Kemp was also the only one of the Dodgers top four hitters to fail to get a hit off Clayton Richard in the first inning. That’s because he sucks.
How much does Matt Kemp suck? He sucks so much that when the Dodgers play an American League team in an American League ballpark, they would be better served to utilize Juan Uribe or Justin Sellers as designated hitters, (Kemp can’t play the field anymore because he’s too slow). Matt Kemp sucks so much that the Dodgers wouldn’t be able to trade him to the Yokohama Baystars of the Nippon Baseball League for an unrefrigerated and already open bottle of Sapporo, even if the Dodgers agreed to pay his entire contract. Matt Kemp sucks so much that if he were to inquire about the possibility of playing for France in the World Baseball Classic, reasons Coach Jim Stoeckel would provide for not adding him to the roster would include: 1) You were born in Oklahoma, 2) You don’t have any French relatives, 3) You don’t have French citizenship, and 4) I’m afraid we can’t really make room for you on the roster right now.
I really think it’s unfair that just because a bunch of other people drafted Matt Kemp in the first round, I’m not allowed to drop him in my fantasy league. As far as I’m concerned, whoever wants him can have him, because his career will probably be over by July. I don’t need that kind of player on my fantasy team. I would much rather have John Buck, Mark Reynolds, or Michael Saunders. You know, real ballplayers who hit over .300 and frequently hit home runs or even steal bases.
Matt Kemp sucks.