A Tale of Two Bauers

by Justin

Trevor Bauer and I have a lot of things in common. We’re both white, we both like hip-hop, and we both think he’ll be a very successful major league pitcher. Where we differ is on our opinions of our own rapping ability. I am quite convinced that I cannot rap. Trevor seems to think he can. Trevor is wrong.

If you didn’t know before, you certainly know now that Trevor Bauer is a terrible rapper. I know this, you know this, the whole world knows this — except for Trevor. When Trevor’s “haters” come out, Trevor responds with even more rapping:

Trevor recorded that “song” in response to critiques of his performance and his work ethic last season, which led to his eventual trade to the Indians. Some have even speculated that Trevor aimed this song in particular at his catcher, Miguel Montero, who was very outspoken in his criticism of Trevor.

Trevor, allow a fellow white guy who likes rap but can’t do it himself to give you some advice. It’s not a power move to respond to your critics with something that’s clearly a weakness of yours. Let’s look to your kin, Jack Bauer. When Jack Bauer’s haters crawl out of the woodwork, does Jack Bauer respond by handing out free puppies and ice cream? No, Jack Bauer does not. Jack Bauer does what Jack Bauer does best.

Trevor Bauer, take a cue from Jack Bauer. Quit the rap game, get healthy, and focus on your strengths. After all, your best weapon certainly isn’t your flow; it’s that devastating curveball.


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